


Trial of Patience

by aqd



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Heartache, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Unrequited Love, sometimes things take time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 19:07:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10837530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aqd/pseuds/aqd
Summary: Kanda had never been somebody, who was easy to read. He didn’t blush, his hands didn’t shake and his voice was always steady.Lavi, his flatmate and life-long friend, had no idea.





	Trial of Patience

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: mild sexual content, mentioning of an abusive relationship.

Kanda wasn’t good with feelings. Therefore it took him a long time to pin down what was going on, or rather to accept what was happening. He wasn’t as dense as most people thought; he was great at being in denial.  
And Kanda was sincerely and thoroughly in denial. He tried to ignore the weird warmth in his chest every time Lavi talked to him. He tried to ignore how fast his heart throbbed every time Lavi touched him. He tried to ignore how uneasy he felt every time Lavi was to close, to present.  
Fortunately he had never been somebody, who was easy to read. He didn’t blush, his hands didn’t shake and his voice was always steady.  
Lavi, his flatmate and life-long friend, had no idea.

 

* * *

 

In autumn they walked together home from university and while Lavi was babbling like usually, Kanda watched him on the quiet. It was a windy day and leaves were everyway. They scrunched under their soles, danced with silent rustling over the curb. The wind played with Lavi’s hair and Kanda stopped listening. The radiant strands framed Lavi’s face and he wondered if they were as soft as they looked like.  
Lavi suddenly looked at him with a smile. “What do you think?”  
Kanda blinked and raised his eyebrows. “What?” he asked as surly as usual. His heartbeat quickened.  
The redhead rolled his ridiculously green eye and started to laugh. “Why do you never listen?”  
“I would, if you wouldn’t blather the whole fucking time,” he answered, voice calm and steady and only a little harsh.  
“Yuu, my poor heart.” He touched his chest overly dramatically. “You’re always so mean.” Kanda’s face was withering and Lavi laughed. The sound sent a shiver down his spine. “I wanted to know if you want to do something tonight. Watch a movie or something?”  
Kanda examined him for a second, before shaking his head. Not a good idea, not a good idea at all. “I’m busy.” He was always busy lately.  
Lavi looked for a short moment disappointed, but his usual smile was instantly back. “Okay,” he said lightly and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Maybe another day?”  
“Maybe,” Kanda agreed even though he knew better.  
They walked in silence for a few minutes until Lavi’s phone vibrated. He pulled it out and his face lit up. Kanda knew why and his hands tensed in his pockets. Lavi didn’t notice the hard line of his mouth.

Later that night he sat alone in his room and tried to work on a paper without success. Lavi and his boyfriend tried to be silent, but the walls were paper-thin. Kanda knew that he had no right to be frustrated, but he was. And so jealous that he would have loved to tear Lavi’s door open and kick the culprit out. Of course he didn’t.  
Lavi started to laugh breathlessly and it was such a soft little sound that warmth started to spread through his whole body. He laid a hand over his eyes and it took all his might not so smash something.

 

* * *

 

In winter Lavi accompanied him home. It was just before Christmas and since Lavi had no family, he always spent the festive season with family Tiedoll.  
Kanda was taciturn and disinterested, as always, while Lavi was the focus of interest, also as always. He watched him laughing, joking around, bantering with his family and decided that he needed a break. He left the living room and brew tea just to have pretence for hiding in the kitchen. Lavi’s laughter wafted over and he closed his eyes for a moment.  
“Are you alright?” Kanda shot a fast glance over his shoulder and frowned. He hadn’t heard her coming.  
Miranda, his sister-in-law, stood at the door and examined him. “You’re so quiet today.”  
“I’m always quiet,” he answered evasively and opened a cabinet.  
“Okay,” answered Miranda airily and smiled at him. It was weird. Kanda, unapproachable and surly, and Miranda, anxious and shy. He fared well with her, better than with the rest of his family. Maybe it was due to the fact that she always respected his boundaries and never pushed, unlike his father, even though the old man meant well.  
“Tea?” he asked and she nodded.  
“Thank you very much.”  
They hid together in the kitchen, Kanda leaning against the counter and Miranda sitting on one of Froi’s old chairs. The fact that Miranda also wasn’t very good with the hubbub in the living room was another reason Kanda liked her, even though he’d never admit that out loud. They drank tea in silence until his niece started to cry. Miranda jumped on her feet and nearly knocked her cup down. Kanda caught it easily and watched her stumble away. Johanna, Marie’s and Miranda’s daughter, was a half year old and since Kanda wasn’t very fond of children, he tried to avoid her. Other than Lavi, who was unsurprisingly fantastic with children and made the little girl laugh, just like the rest of the family.  
“I guess my grimaces were a little bit too much for her.” Lavi stood suddenly in the door and examined Kanda. “Are you hiding?”  
“I’m taking a break”, corrected Kanda sullenly and poured in another cup. Lavi’s shirt was a little too big and kept sliding down on one side. Kanda’s eyes flitted from Lavi’s collarbone over his neck and up to his lips. He casted down his eyes and looked into the half-empty cup in his hands. “I talked to Daisya, you can sleep tonight on the couch in his room.”  
Lavi raised his eyebrows and looked surprised. “Okay,” he said slowly and tilted his head a little bit. “Not in your room, as ever?”  
“I want to get up early,” Kanda answered vaguely and stood up. He should leave. They both knew that Kanda normally had no regards for Lavi’s beauty sleep.  
“Okay,” repeated Lavi and his smile flickered for a short moment. Kanda wanted to brush past him, but then Lavi’s hand was on his wrist. He looked up with a frown and Lavi smiled at him. “Mistletoe,” he said and pointed upwards. Kanda stiffened.  
It wasn’t the first time that they ended up together under a mistletoe. He knew that Lavi was going to give him an innocent peck on the cheek, nothing more. It was every year the same banter. Lavi kissed him and Kanda let hell loose, sometimes garnished with a soft slap on the back of Lavi’s head. Never too seriously. At this point nearly a tradition.  
Not this year. Kanda’s warning bells were ringing and he found himself caught between the doorframe and Lavi. His hand landed a little too hard on Lavi’s chest and he pushed him back. Lavi nearly lost his balance and looked at him startled.  
Kanda fled and evaded him the rest of the evening.

 

* * *

 

In spring Lavi’s patience snapped. They stood together in their small kitchen and Kanda only wanted to cook soba, but Lavi had no mercy.  
“Yuu, what is your problem?” He was angry, of course he was, which was very understandable. Kanda had started to avoid him as much as possible since Christmas and spent his days alone in his room or crashed at Marie’s and Miranda’s place. “Are you mad with me?”  
“No, I’m not,” he answered and felt his blood pressure rising. Lavi was way too close and Kanda was exceptionally thin-skinned today. He was sleep-deprived and had a persistent headache. “I’m busy.”  
“Yuu,” repeated Lavi and stared at him. “You look like shit and you shun me. What have I done?”  
Kanda darted a short look at him and immediately regretted it. Lavi bit his lip and raked his fingers though his already messy hair. Kanda resisted the temptation to step closer and… to do fuck knows.  
“Lavi,” he said slowly and started to feel angry. He just wanted to cook in peace and return into the safety of his room. He had to finish a paper and prepare for two exams in a few days. “I’m busy.”  
“No, you are going to tell me what your fucking problem is,” demanded his flatmate and crossed his arms. “You are my best friend. What’s going on?”  
Kanda put down his plate and took a deep breathe. He was on the brink of explosion. “I’m busy,” he repeated. “Leave me alone.”  
“No. I have had enough. Why are avoiding me? I’m not the only one noticing.” And then the name of his boyfriend followed, who had never done anything to Kanda and who he hated with passion. Something in him snapped and he turned around.  
“Leave me alone,” he growled and tried to push past him. His meal was forgotten. Then Lavi made the big mistake to grab his arm. “Hands off!” Kanda snapped at him and pushed his hand away. “You want to know what my fucking problem is? Yes?”  
“Dead right.” He never had seen Lavi this furious.  
If there was one thing he absolutely loathed, then it was being cornered. And Lavi was cornering him. “You don’t respect my fucking boundaries,” Kanda growled and clenched his fists. “Leave me the hell alone! I just want a rest from you and your nonsense. It’s bad enough that I have to listen nearly every goddamn night to you and your fucking boyfriend. You’re unbearable!” He pushed him out of his way without so much as looking at him. “That’s my fucking problem.” He shut his door with a bang.

Later that night he sat at his desk and tried to learn without success. Lavi had left him alone since his outburst and he hadn’t left his room for hours. He felt bad. Lavi was right. He had avoided him and treated him exceptionally cold and gruff. The problem was that he had no idea how to deal with the whole affair. His feelings didn’t diminish in the last months, au contraire. Confessing was out of question since Lavi wasn’t available and -even more important- had never shown any signs of similar feelings. They had been friends since their childhood and there had never been more.  
He laid a hand over his eyes and sighed. He decided to take a short break and got up. Lavi also hadn’t left his room since their argument. Kanda opened silently his door and faltered. The walls were apparently not as thin as he thought. Lavi’s door was ajar and now Kanda could hear him.  
He was crying.  
Kanda stopped dead and his hands started to get very cold. He didn’t felt ashamed often, but now he did. A lot.  
His first impulse was to flee back into his room, but he pulled himself together. He had to put things straight. Kanda took a deep breath and walked towards Lavi’s door before he had a chance to change his mind. He knocked and Lavi fell silent.  
“Your door is open,” he said composedly and the silence lasted. He wasn’t good at this, not at all. “Can I come in?” He heard him shifting and examined the narrow section of Lavi’s room he was able to see. Green carpet, a chair leg and a patterned backpack. Still no answer. “I see,” he finally said and turned around. Maybe tomorrow. He was halfway through the corridor when he heard movement behind him.  
“Wait.” Lavi stood in his door and examined him. His eye was reddened and his cheeks blotchy. Kanda felt bad. They looked at each other for little while until Lavi stepped aside. “Come in.” Kanda followed him.  
Lavi sat down on his bed while he stopped in the doorway.  
“I apology,” he said seemingly calmly and looked everywhere but to Lavi. “My behaviour was inappropriate. I’m sorry.”  
It was silent for a few seconds except for the rustling of a handkerchief.  
“Yuu, what is going on?” Lavi finally asked and Kanda shot him a short look. He was teary-eyed. “Why don’t you talk to me?”  
_Because I don’t want to ruin our friendship and your relationship._  
He opened his mouth and hesitated for an instant before he eventually started to speak. “I have a hard time right now,” he vaguely replied and leaned against the doorframe. “I need some time to myself.” He knew how unsatisfying his answer was.  
Lavi wiped his face and slightly frowned. “Yuu, talk to me.” He was clearly disappointed and it stung Kanda.  
He shook his head and crossed his arms. This wasn’t good. “Give me some space.” Lavi wanted to say something, but Kanda averted his gaze and took a deep breath. “Please.” He didn’t use this word often.  
Lavi closed his eye for a second and swallowed hardly. He examined Kanda for a long moment before he got up.  
“Okay.” He nodded slowly. “You need space.” He stopped in front of Kanda and tried to meet his eyes. “I wish you would talk to me.” He sounded hurt. “How can I help you?”  
He was too good for him, beyond belief.  
Kanda shook his head. “Time will heal.” He didn’t fend Lavi’s hug off and allowed himself to enjoy his warmth for a few seconds before he backed off.  
_Time will heal._

 

* * *

 

In summer things went better between them. Lavi gave him space and Kanda stopped rebuffing him. They mostly only saw each other at meals, but it was enough to notice the crisis Lavi and his boyfriend were heading to. Instead of feeling bad for him, Kanda started to hope and felt like a piece of shit, because Lavi was clearly afflicted by his relationships problems. He had dark circles under his eyes and was exceptionally serious.

 

On a Saturday they went out for a drink, because Lavi needed distraction, as he said, and Kanda would have done anything to cheer him up. They didn’t drink much and in the end they hailed an Uber. Kanda felt a little tipsy and the heat wasn’t helping. Lavi sat next to him in the back of the car and his head lolled on Kanda’s shoulder. His hair tickled his cheek and Kanda shifted slightly. This wasn’t good.  
“Why is everything going south?” asked the redhead gloomily and looked up to him. Kanda took his time to examine his long brown lashes and the freckles on his nose and cheeks.  
“I don’t know.” Lavi’s hand started to play with Kanda’s hair and he watched him twisting one of the long strands around his finger. It sent shivers down his spine.  
“Too bad.” Lavi’s voice was huskier than usual. Kanda looked into his ridiculously green eye and noticed that he was more than a little bit tipsy. He eyed Lavi’s lips and suddenly his doubts grew hazy. Lavi’s hair felt soft under his fingers and his lips tasted a little like lemon.  
Then his hand was on Kanda’s chest and softly pushed him back. Lavi looked at him in sincere surprise and bewilderment and Kanda’s stomach churned.  
“Yuu…?”  
His heart started to race.  
“Stop, I want to get out,” he said to their driver and even now his voice was steady as a rock. The driver looked at him in surprise.  
“We aren’t there yet.”  
“I want to get out,” repeated Kanda, this time louder. “Now.”  
“Yuu.” Lavi’s hands were on his arm. “Wait.”  
The car stopped and Kanda freed himself without looking at him. He got out of the car and hastened away.  
“Yuu!” called Lavi behind him and he sped up. “Wait!” He was sober all at once and absolutely mortified. He shot a look over his shoulder and was relieved to see Lavi struggling with his seatbelt. He took the opportunity to disappear into the first side street available. Lavi called for him a few times more but he kept walking until he wasn’t able to hear him anymore.

 

He managed to avoid Lavi for two more days, which was impressive since they were still flatmates. He left his room as little as possible and stayed in bed nearly the whole time. Lavi kept knocking at his door and nearly begged him to open, but Kanda ignored him while agonizing over what had happened.  
On day three he left his room to use the bathroom and found Lavi sitting on his bed when he came back. The dark circles under his eyes were nearly as impressive as Kanda’s. He stopped in the doorway and looked at the redhead.  
“We’re talking. Now,” he demanded and had the audacity to offer him his own desk chair. “Sit down.” Kanda didn’t move. “Yuu, please.” Lavi looked unhappily at him.  
“I know that you don’t have the same feelings,” he just said and wanted nothing more than to be alone. Lavi examined him and he knew how bad he looked. Oh, how much had he mocked his lovesick brother last year and now he was even worse. “I don’t want to talk to you. Get off my bed.”  
Lavi actually stood up but only to sit down on the desk chair. “Yuu,” he said softly. Kanda disappeared under his blanket and turned his back on him. “I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”  
“Just leave me alone.”  
He heard Lavi shifting. “I… I wished you had said something.”  
Kanda closed his eyes. “Lavi, the walls are thin. I know that you made up with your boyfriend.”  
Lavi fell silent and finally got up after a short eternity. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated softly and at last he left.  
Kanda had never felt so awful before.

 

* * *

 

In autumn Lavi noticed that Kanda slowly got better. The dark circles under his eyes disappeared and he was less pale. He had tried to raise the topic a second time, but Kanda made unmistakably clear that he wasn’t keen on doing so and Lavi had finally dropped the subject. He still felt awful for not noticing earlier und hurting him. They slowly started to spend again more of their free time together and Lavi was happy about it, even though things had changed. Kanda was very considerate of having enough space between them and Lavi noticed that he often looked at his own hands and shirked eye contact. Lavi stopped bringing his boyfriend along, which seemed to be in Kanda’s interest. He also stopped having a cry on his shoulder, even though things were starting to go south again, worse than ever.  
He caught himself several times thinking about the feeling of Kanda fingers in his hair.

 

* * *

 

 In winter Lavi finally broke up with his boyfriend and stayed a whole weekend in bed. Kanda, his old self again, brought him fast food (“my car smells like shit now”) and chocolate (“your fucking teeth are going to fall out”) and together they spoke ill about the ex. Kanda told him in great detail every aspect he hated about the guy and made him laugh.  
“He sounded like dying every time you were fucking,” he said cloudy and examined Lavi. “Like, what the fuck.” Lavi snickered and slightly raised his eyebrows. “Haven’t you notice?”  
“Well, now that you mention it.” He rolled over on to his side. “I’m seriously mortified that you heard so much.”  
Kanda stopped him with a wave of his hand and kept ranting about his ex.  
Lavi just listened and his thoughts wandered off to the back of an Uber.

 

A few days later he felt better and wanted to show his gratitude.  
“Yuu, I want to treat you dinner or something,” he said and examined his flatmate, who was sitting across him and read the newspaper. His hair was loose and wet and swirled around his face and shoulders. He had stopped cutting his bangs last year and by now they had grown long enough to tie them up with the rest of his hair. It made his facial features look softer and less stern. Kanda looked up and pushed a long strand behind his ear.  
“You don’t need to,” he answered deadpan and turned the page.  
“But I want to. Maybe on Friday?” Lavi smiled at him and Kanda slightly frowned. He darted him a short look and hesitated.  
“I… I am busy,” he finally said and something in his face happened. His mouth and his eyes softened and suddenly Lavi had a lump in his throat.  
“You have a date.” His voice was calm and steady.  
Kanda slowly nodded and refolded the newspaper. “Yes.”  
„The first one?“ Lavi asked seemingly casually and examined him closely. He shook blandly his head.  
Kanda contemplated for a short moment and answered, “Number nine.” And Lavi understood. He understood why Kanda was less sullen and so much serener in the last few weeks. It wasn’t because things were getting better between them. He was in love.  
Lavi smiled dearly at him and they drank tea in silence until Kanda had to leave for university. He closed the door behind his flatmate, went to his room, lay down, and cried without understanding why it hurt so much.

 

A few weeks later he finally met Kanda boyfriend and immediately liked him. He was soft-spoken and docile and there was this glint in his eyes, which was sincerely likeable and attracting. He noticed the placidness in Kanda’s face every time he and his boyfriend locked eyes and decided to leave. He disappeared into his room under the pretext of a headache and learned later that night how thin the walls really were. Lavi listened to Kanda’s suppressed gasps and wondered how his flatmate had endured this the whole duration of Lavi’s relationship.

 

* * *

 

In late spring Lavi listened nearly every night to them screaming at each other, followed by make-up sex. Rinse and repeat. He lay awake and pondered whether he and Kanda would also insult each other and scream at each like this. Probably not. They went back a long way and always had been a good team.  
Then –why wouldn’t he- he harrowed himself a little bit and brooded over the question why he had been such a fucking idiot last summer. He should have broken up with his ex-boyfriend. He should have kissed Kanda back. He shouldn’t have broken his heart.  
He resisted the temptation to hit his head against the wall and groaned into his pillow. Kanda’s boyfriend called him a _fucking idiot_ and Kanda told him to _go fuck yourself_. Lavi sighed. In the following minutes their voices got louder and louder and Lavi started to feel uneasy. He got up to check if everything was in order. He was nearly at his door, when a loud bang made him jump. He bolted into the hall and the first thing he saw was Kanda ducking down not a moment too soon. A glass shattered on the wall behind him. The floor was full of shards and a second glass came flying out of the kitchen. Kanda dodged again. His face was unexpectedly unfazed. In his dismay Lavi thought that it was likely not the first time something like this happened. He was alarmed and his heart raced.  
“Yuu, come.” Lavi stepped back into his room. “Come here.”  
Kanda only darted him a short bland glance before stepping into the kitchen. A brawl ensued and Lavi tried to interfere. He undid the clenched hand in Kanda’s hair, stopped the same hand from tearing Kanda’s shirt, caught another hand before it could land in Kanda’s face. Finally he got roughly pushed back and stumbled against a counter. Kanda caught him before he landed on the floor, helped him up and avoided his eye, before he turned around and followed his boyfriend into his room.  
They screamed the rest of the night at each other while Lavi swept up shards and cleaned up the kitchen. Then he sat down on his bed and kept hearing bluster and rumbling and when Kanda’s boyfriend finally left in a fury his nose was bleeding. Kanda slammed the door shut, entered Lavi’s room and sat down next to him without a word. He had a bruise on his jaw. Lavi examined him a long moment before he put his arm around Kanda’s shoulders.  
They sat next to each other in silence.

 

They broke up a few hours later.  
“We’re not good for each other,” was the only thing Kanda said and instead of catching up some sleep they decided to get shitfaced together. Lavi dug up some vodka.  
After a few shots Kanda was more talkative and together they bad-mouthed their ex-boyfriends and Kanda allowed Lavi to cool his bruise with a package of frozen peas.

 

* * *

 

In early summer Kanda was over the relationship and looked less miserable than in the last weeks. Lavi had a few dates with a colleague, but it didn’t work out.  
He still lay awake at night, even though nobody was screaming, moaning or gasping in the next room. The silence was deafening and he imagined tiptoeing out of his room, through the hallway, and into Kanda’s room. He imagined lifting his blanket and crawling under it. He imagined slowly brushing Kanda’s hair aside and kissing his nape. He imagined gently biting his neck and slowly moving his fingers over Kanda’s lips. He imagined Kanda turning around and roughly kissing him.  
He didn’t get up.

 

In the mid of summer they sat next to each other on Lavi’s bed and watched a movie. Or rather Kanda watched a movie and Lavi watched Kanda. It was a beautiful day and Lavi’s room was sun-drenched. Kanda’s dark lashes casted sharp shadows on his cheeks and he squinted at the screen.  
Lavi had mercy and stood up to close the curtains. He sat back down, a little closer than before. Kanda slightly stiffened but didn’t look at him or move away. Lavi examined Kanda’s hand, which lay calmly in between them and next to Lavi’s. He hesitated before he tentatively moved his little finger. As soon as their hands touched Kanda took his own away and got up without looking at him.  
“I’ll go for a walk.”  
“Okay,” Lavi softly answered and spent the rest of the afternoon moping.

 

In the end of summer they were in their little kitchen and Kanda chopped vegetables while Lavi sat at the table brooding over his taxes.  
“What the fuck,” he said for the nth time and tried very hard not to blow his top. He laid a hand over his eyes and sighed. “Yuu.”  
“I don’t have clue,” he seriously answered and blended the tempura batter by hand. Lavi sighed again and tried to look forward to the delicious meal his flatmate was preparing. Kanda’s phone vibrated and he wiped his hands clean. Lavi watched him reading his messages.  
“I’ll go out after dinner,” he blandly said and Lavi frowned.  
“You have a date.” His stomach started to hurt.  
Kanda merely nodded and brought his wok out.  
“First one?” Lavi asked, voice calm and steady.  
He nodded a second time and opened a cabinet. There was a little smirk on his lips. The sight hurt so much.  
Lavi took a deep breath. He was exhausted, sleep-deprived, thin-skinned and wounded. He didn’t hide in his room.  
Kanda turned around very quickly as soon as the first sob escaped his lips. He looked in sincere bewilderment at Lavi, who hid his face behind his hands.  
The next moment he was crouched down next to Lavi and his warm hand was on his knee. “Lavi?” He was clearly uncomfortable. Kanda wasn’t very good with tears.  
“Sorry.” Lavi wiped his face. “Sorry.”  
Kanda slightly frowned at him before raising his eyebrows. “What’s wrong?”  
Lavi looked into his dark eyes and tried to smile. He reached the end of the line. “Yuu, are you over me?”  
Kanda stared at him in surprise and confusion and the hand on Lavi’s knee tensed.  
“Because I can’t get over you.” His voice wasn’t more than a whisper and he couldn’t bite back the sob.  
Kanda was dumbfounded. His eyes flitted from Lavi’s blotchy cheeks over his clenched hands and finally to the floor. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before he got up and left like in the warm summer night over a year ago. Lavi heard his door closing and slumped down on the table and cried. He wallowed in his own misery and wondered if their friendship was finally over until Kanda’s hand was on his shoulder all of a sudden. He had never seen him like this. Lavi needed a second to pin his facial expression down.  
Vulnerable.  
“I…” He backed off and leaned against the counter without looking at Lavi. “I don’t understand."  
Lavi got up and took a paper towel to wipe his face clean before sitting back down.  
“I turned you down and I regret it so much,” he said after a few seconds. “I can’t stop thinking about you. I should have kissed you back, Yuu.”  
Kanda didn’t move and still didn’t look at him. He raised a hand to his temple and closed his eyes for a few seconds. He seemed to be deep in thought.  
“I… I’ll go running,” he said finally and Lavi watched him putting on his running shoes. The door closed behind him and Lavi got up. He turned off the stove, washed his face and hid under his blanket.  
He was so exhausted that he fell asleep shortly afterwards.

 

Kanda avoided him for two days, which Lavi spent alone and heartbroken in his room, until he finally knocked.  
“Come in,” he tiredly said and sat up. He had been lying on the carpet and staring at the wall. Kanda looked equally as beat. “Hello Yuu.”  
“Time to come clear.” His voice calm and steady, as always.  
“Okay.” Lavi looked up to him, but Kanda didn’t meet his eye. He cleared his throat. Time to come clear. “I always had a soft spot for you, but until last year I never thought like this about you, because… You always seemed so aloof and farouche. And then you kissed me and I was thoroughly rattled afterwards. But I was in a relationship and I really loved him, even though I knew that it wasn’t going to work out. So I turned you down and things started to go even more south. And suddenly I couldn’t stop thinking about you and what had happened in the back of this car. Then you fell in love and I cried the half night. I didn’t knew how to approach you, because I know how much I hurt you and I’m so sorry, Yuu.” He sighed and rubbed his face.  
“You are in love with me.” Steady as a rock. It wasn’t a question, but Lavi still nodded. And then Kanda looked into his eye, long and piercing, and Lavi smiled sadly at him.  
“Yes, I am.”  
Kanda remained for a few more seconds near the door, but then he moved slowly towards Lavi and crouched down next to him. Kanda softly frowned and examined him. As unfathomable as ever. Lavi’s heart started to beat faster.  
“You are in love with me,” he repeated. Calmly.  
Lavi touched tentatively his arm. The fabric of his shirt was soft under his cold fingers and he felt the warmth of Kanda’s skin creeping though. “Yes, I am.” Kanda’s eyes softened and Lavi caught his breath.  
And then Kanda was over him, his mouth on Lavi’s. He wrapped his arms around Kanda’s broad shoulders and held him tight. They sank together to the floor, the carpet soft under Lavi’s back. Kanda’s hands found their way into his hair and brought them even closer together. His lips were slightly chapped and tasted like green tea and Lavi just wanted to melt into him. His hands wandered over Kanda’s back, through his hair, over his neck. The kiss was long and passionate and eventually Kanda drew back a little and examined him. His lips and cheeks were slightly reddened and fine strands of hair stuck out of his ponytail. Lavi looked into his dark eyes and smiled at him. The corners of Kanda’s mouth twitched slightly.  
Suddenly Lavi had a lump in his throat. His smile faded and his vision got a little blurry. “Still?” he asked. “Even after I hurt you?”  
Kanda slightly frowned and his warm fingers touched softly Lavi’s cheek. “It… grew weaker for a while, but it never went away.”  
“I hurt you,” repeated Lavi and took a shaky breath. The line between Kanda’s brow deepened and his finger’s wandered through Lavi’s hair.  
“You had a boyfriend. I knew that. I had it coming.” Voice firm and eyes soft. “Please don’t look at me like that.”  
Lavi wiped his face and nodded. “Okay. I’ll try,” he whispered and chuckled, because Kanda raised an eyebrow. He obviously tried to look annoyed, but his face was too soft, too serene. Lavi smiled and raised his head to bridge the distance between their lips.  
They stayed the whole afternoon on the carpet.

 

* * *

 

In autumn both of them graduated and found in a distance of a few weeks jobs, Lavi as archivist and Kanda as analyst programmer. They moved into a beautiful apartment with a balcony and only one bed, even though Lavi kept stealing nightly the blanket according to Kanda.

  
In winter they celebrated Christmas with family Tiedoll. Froi took a photo of them kissing under the mistletoe –on the lips, naturally- and Kanda let hell loose, contributing to the amusement of the rest of the family. On New Year’s Eve they had their first severe argument over Lavi’s messiness. Nobody threw a glass and they reconciled quickly. The make-up sex was fantastic.

  
In spring Lavi lost his job and was deeply upset. Kanda tried –not very successfully- his best to cheer him up. In the end he took his whole annual vacation and surprised him with a long trip to Asia. One night they lay next to each other on a beach in Thailand and watched the stars. Lavi looked at Kanda and decided to get over the lay-off. After all he was a lucky guy.

  
In summer they celebrated their first anniversary and instead of going out they stayed all day in bed. Lavi was ridiculously happy and there was so much softness and warmth in Kanda’s eyes like he had never seen before.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading!
> 
> Please keep in mind that I'm no native speaker. I am very sorry for my mistakes. Please feel free to correct me. Feel also free to point out further tags you deem important.
> 
> I wish you a beautiful day.


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